


I Don't Have A Toothache

by MissAllySwan



Category: The OC (TV)
Genre: Cross-Posted on FanFiction.Net, Family, Foster Care, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Lies, Past Child Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Secrets, Toothache
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24350866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAllySwan/pseuds/MissAllySwan
Summary: Ryan has a toothache and is keeping it from the Cohens. How long will Ryan be able to keep this from them? And how much harm can this secret cause him and the Cohens?
Kudos: 13





	1. The Toothache

Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C.

* * *

Ryan's POV

I was sitting at the counter, where I poured myself a bowl of cereal, like I did most mornings. When Seth came down into the kitchen, in his robe, letting out a groan. "You sound delightful." 

"Yeah it's a fantastic morning." Seth replied; he sounded very irritated.

"That tooth's still bugging you?" Seth's been complaining about it for the last couple of days non-stop.

"It's killing me." Seth groaned, sitting down and putting his hand to his cheek.

"Well it's a good thing you're going to see Dr. Baker, isn't?" Sandy chimed in, once he entered the kitchen.

"Yes dad. It's a great experience of having my mouth poked, prodded, and drilled. I'm looking forward to it." Seth remarked, sarcastically.

"Oh stop with the dramatics." Kirsten told him as she poured herself a cup of coffee.

I resisted a laugh as I went back to trying to enjoy the rest of my breakfast. I would have to see if Marissa was free to do something later.

"Maybe I can just delay another day." Seth mumbled.

"You are going today. I will drag you there myself if I have to." Sandy warned.

Seth's been avoiding it for the past few days, which meant the three of us had to listen to his constant moaning and groaning. I was sympathetic, but up to a certain point. He kept putting it off. I guess he didn't want to go, which in all honesty, I didn't blame him. But it looked like his parents have hit their point and weren't going to let him put it off any longer.

After I finished breakfast and Seth left with his parents for the dentist, I went to meet Marissa. I just hung out with her for a little while until she went to go see Summer in town. When Marissa left, I went back into the house. I grabbed a snack and then brought it back to the pool house with me. I decided to do some more studying for a test I had tomorrow. I glanced over and picked up the apple I had taken from the kitchen. I took a bite and then felt a sharp pain in the back of my mouth. I froze for a moment, before I tried chewing again, but once again, I felt the sharp pain. I spit out the apple as the pain lingered for a few moments.

_This is really happening now?_

Of all the days to get a toothache, it's the day that Seth went to the dentist to get his tooth fixed; this is just great.

I looked at the apple in my hand for a moment, before throwing it away. I then go into the cabinet in the kitchen and take an aspirin. _They won't miss two pills from a full bottle now, will they?_ I doubted it.

I went back to the pool house. I put my textbook on the floor and laid down on my bed, waiting for the aspirin to start working. _This hurts._ I've had worse before, but— _damn_ , that hurt. But one thing for sure was that I was not going to let the Cohens find out about this.

* * *

I tried to sleep, but it was difficult with the pain. It lingered on for a bit after I was hit with a sharp wave of pain. Not only painful, but it was annoying. And the aspirin couldn't start working fast enough—or maybe ' _enough'_ was not the proper word as it didn't work as I hoped it would. But I was going to have to deal. _I've gotten worse from my mother's boyfriends. I could handle a small toothache._

I went to the kitchen to get something to drink when Seth and his parents got back. "Hey Ryan. I thought you'd be at Marissa's." Kirsten said when she walked in past me, taking her coat off.

"Yeah, well she had plans with Summer and I didn't feel like being a third wheel." I said shutting the fridge. "And I had some studying to do." I added. Then I sat at the counter as Seth stood there, looking pretty out of it. It looked like he didn't have a fun time, but I decided to ask anyways. "How was the dentist?"

"Oh wonderful. Like I said before, getting my face drilled into is something I look forward to." Even half out of it, Seth was still full of sarcastic remarks.

"Come on, Seth, it wasn't that bad." Sandy chimed in, patting him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess if you forget about the needles and the drilling and the—"

"Okay, Seth, that's enough." Sandy shut him up, thankfully. Seth could go on hours if he was given the chance. And at the moment, that wasn't something I needed to hear.

"So Ryan, I imagine you had more fun than I did." 

"I don't know. I just studied and then slept a bit." I shrugged. I did attempt to sleep, but it hasn't worked that well with the pain.

"Speaking of which, I think I'm going to go sleep off the Novocain." Seth left to go upstairs to bed. I grabbed my book off the counter, which has been sitting there since yesterday from the last time I was reading it. Maybe this could help distract me from the pain. And it did, at least a little bit.

"Ryan, can we talk to you?" Kirsten got my attention and I put the book down on the counter, marking my place, before turning to look at Kirsten and Sandy.

"We wanted to ask, when's the last time you saw a dentist?" Sandy asked.

I scratch my head, trying to think of the answer. "Um, I don't know," I said honestly. It was hard to remember exactly. I had only gone to a dentist once in my life and I was trying to forget it, as best as I could. I knew it has been at least a couple of years.

"Have you ever been?" Kirsten rephrased Sandy's initial question.

"Once." I said. "I might have been eight or nine. I can't remember exactly."

"Well, maybe we should get you an appointment to get checked out." Kirsten offered and I made sure to look neutral. _Of course, they would think about this now._ They didn't know about my current problem but that would be that Atwood bad luck with the timing.

"No, it's okay. You don't need to do that." 

"We just want to make sure you're okay." Kirsten and Sandy were both concerned. But I didn't want them to be.

"I'm okay, really. You don't have to."

Sandy and Kirsten looked at each other. "It's not a bother, Ryan—" Kirsten started to say, but Sandy cut her off.

"It's alright. We don't have to do this. But if you did need to go, you'd come to us about it? Okay?" Sandy asked me and I nodded. If it got me out of it, I would have said whatever he wanted to hear; and I did just that.

That was the end of that conversation. I lied. I knew I shouldn't. I actually hated lying to them. Especially when I knew they were just trying to help and they didn't see it as a bother. To me, it was a bother. I hadn't been living here long and they already are thinking they need to do all these things for me. I don't want them to think that they have to. It's not fair to them after everything. And frankly, I didn't want to go; especially now. _I'll be fine_. I could handle a little pain. I would be fine without the Cohens knowing about it; and that's how intended to keep it.


	2. The Pain Management

**Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C. or any of its characters. Anything that you may recognize belongs to Josh** **Schwartz & FOX.**

* * *

Sandy's POV

I poured a cup of coffee for myself and Kirsten. She came down and took it from me. I then glanced over today's paper. The boys were getting ready for school.

"I thought we agreed on Ryan getting checked out." _Okay, so I guess we are going to talk about this now._ I was wondering when Kirsten was going to ask me.

"I know, but—"

"Sandy, you know what he's been through. I didn't think we'd disagree when it comes to his health." Kirsten pointed out. I did agree at the time. Of course I was concerned for him, but it still hasn't been very long since Ryan moved in. I don't want to force him into anything yet.

"I just don't want to force him into anything _right_ _now_." 

"Sandy, he's only been to a dentist once."

"I was there. I heard."

"You don't seem very concerned about that." Kirsten said, as she crossed her arms and leaned against the counter.

"I am, but Kirsten, Ryan seems to be okay right now. He said he would come to us if there was a problem and I just don't really want to force him into it right now." I explained and took a sip of my coffee. "Trust me on this." I gave her a kiss.

"Okay. I trust you." Though she said it, I knew she wasn't so convinced. But she was giving me the benefit of the doubt. I grinned a bit. It was nice seeing her so concerned for Ryan's well-being.

Ryan and Seth came down shortly after. Seth made himself a bowl of cereal and then started off a conversation, like he normally did; it seemed like he was feeling better now. I looked over at Ryan as he sat at the counter, picked up his book, and continued to read it. He wasn't having his usual bowl of cereal that he had every morning.

"Not having anything Ryan?"

Ryan shook his head. "No, I'm okay." 

"Well that doesn't sound like the Ryan Atwood we know. You're always eating something—I don't know a day you aren't eating—wait are you actually on a diet or something?" Seth goes on and I put a finger up, getting him to be quiet for a minute. I turned back to Ryan.

"You are you feeling okay?" 

"I'm just not that hungry." Ryan claimed.

"Seriously? You barely ate yesterday so how could you possibly not be hungry?" Seth asked and I turned back to Ryan, whom was looking at Seth, just begging for him to shut up. Something seemed to be going on, but I wasn't sure what. 

"Maybe I just don't have an appetite this morning." Ryan shrugged. I felt his forehead and he didn't feel warm. Ryan got up and moved away from me.

"Ryan, are you sure nothing's wrong?" Kirsten chimed in, walking over and standing next to me.

"I'm fine." Ryan insisted again as he then grabs an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter as we hear a car horn from outside. "That's Marissa. I better get going." Before I could get anything else out, Ryan was out the door and Seth quickly followed.

I turned to Kirsten and I already knew what she was going to say before she said anything. "Maybe he should see a doctor or something." I knew she was just as worried about Ryan as I was.

"If he doesn't seem better by tonight, I'll take him tomorrow." I told her as I grabbed my bag. I had to be getting to the office. Kirsten was right to be worried about him. He could be getting sick and we just don't know it yet; but I was hoping that wasn't the case.

* * *

Ryan's POV

Getting through breakfast wasn't easy. I could tell they weren't exactly buying the whole ' _I'm not hungry_ ' story. They knew something was wrong and I had to find a way to keep them from thinking something was wrong. While also, keeping my toothache a secret. But it was difficult with not being able to eat. I was starving, but with my toothache, I felt a sharp pain anytime I attempted to chew anything that wasn't mashed potatoes or pudding. I had been taking aspirin, but it wasn't really helping much. And when it wasn't helping at all, the constant ache made it difficult to concentrate on anything, much less eat. It was starting to really drive me insane. 

I couldn't let Seth or his parents find out about this. I was just going to have to deal with the pain.

I got through half the day. It was right before lunch and I went to my locker. The ache had turned into throbbing. I put my head against the locker, just desperately wanting it to subside.

"Ryan." I turned around quickly, managing to hit my head on the door of my locker in the process. I noticed Marissa and I forced a smile. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." 

"Are you sure? You didn't look so good in—" She thought for a moment. "Well, all day actually." 

"Yeah, I'm fine." I continued to insist. 

"Ryan, you're a terrible liar." Marissa chuckled and I sighed. I looked around, making sure Seth and Summer weren't around. They—more particularly Seth—didn't need to hear about this. I could maybe manage to get Marissa to keep this between the two of us. "Tell me what's wrong." 

"It's nothing really. Just a small toothache." I admitted quietly. "I just don't want Seth to know. Him and his parents—they'll make a big deal about it. I just kind of want to take care of it myself." It sounded convincing enough and it was partly true.

"I get it." Marissa nodded. "Parents can get like that if you're sick." And I am sure Marissa knew how the Cohens could get. At the very least she could make an assumption. "Are you sure you'll be okay? When are you—"

"Tomorrow. I'll get by." I knew she was probably going to ask when I was going to get it checked out. That would at least give me a day to think of a way to hide this better.

"Do you want something for the pain?" Marissa went through her purse and then hands me a small tube of ora-jel. Of all the things to have in that bag, she has this? Though at the moment, I was grateful. This could be the answer to all my problems. "Just put a little on your tooth and it should help. It saved myself before I could get my wisdom teeth out."

"Thanks." This time my smile was genuine. 

"No problem. And don't worry, I won't tell Seth. It's already hard enough getting him to shut up. I won't add to it." Marissa added before walking off to her next class. Then I went to the bathroom and put some on. And the pain was gone in seconds. 

This seemed like the answer to my problems. _At least I thought it did._


	3. The Truth

**Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C. or any of its characters. Anything that you may recognize belongs to Josh** **Schwartz & FOX.**

* * *

Sandy's POV

I was in the kitchen drinking coffee and going over my notes for one of my current cases when Kirsten came down. She was in her robe and she went through the medicine cabinet. "You look like you had a rough night." I commented and she turned around to shoot me a glare.

"Too much wine." She responded and then turned back to the medicine cabinet, taking out the bottle of aspirin.

"Sandy," I looked up at Kirsten. "Didn't you just get a new bottle of aspirin last week?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "It should be full." 

Kirsten tipped the bottle over, showing me that it was near empty with approximately four pills left. I arched my eyebrow and scratched the corner of my brow. I could have sworn I just bought a new bottle. "Have you—?"

"I haven't taken any and neither the boys have taken any as far as I know." 

"Well, I guess maybe I didn't get a new bottle." I shrugged. I was almost sure I did. I had gotten some more refills earlier this week, so it only made sense for me to grab another bottle of aspirin from the pharmacy. But if I did, where did the medicine go? Or the better question would be, who has been taking them?

* * *

Seth's POV

I had been walking with Ryan in the hallway and I went on about a bunch of things—mostly Summer—and Ryan just listened. He didn't say a word—and though, that wasn't odd for Ryan as he barely talks—but it was weird. He didn't say a word and he let me continue to go on—I had gotten to the point where I began to ask myself ' _why wasn't he shutting me up?_ '

"Dude, what's up?" 

"What?" Ryan sounded dazed.

"I've been going on and on about Summer and you haven't said one word—you haven't even told me to shut up—and I think that is very concerning that I had to point that out." 

"I'm just tired." Ryan yawned but I almost didn't believe it. "Now, I should to get to class." Ryan walked off, leaving me standing there alone. I shook my head, before turning around to walk to my class. I had this feeling something was going on with him.

At lunch, I was sitting with Summer and she was going on about something, but I wasn't paying attention to what she was saying. I was too distracted. I couldn't help but worry about Ryan. He wasn't acting like himself today—well actually he hasn't been acting like himself for past couple of days, now that I thought about it. He's been like been really out of it. I wonder if he's sick. I mean, it wouldn't be much of a surprise. I remember a few weeks back he didn't eat for a day. I think even my dad thought he was sick until he miraculously got better. It was weird. I might be making a big deal out of nothing, but I just couldn't get over the feeling that something was going on.

"Hello? Earth to Cohen!" Summer snapped me away from my thoughts.

"Huh?" I asked, blinking a few times after I turned to look at Summer. She gave me an annoyed look. I guess it was obvious that I wasn't listening—but I guess it was also obvious to me that Ryan wasn't listening to me this morning, so maybe it wasn't all that of a surprise.

"You weren't listening to a word I was saying." Summer groaned and I sighed. She was pissed and I know, I guess I do deserve it, but I do have a reasonable excuse this time.

"I'm sorry Summer, I'm just worried about Ryan." 

"Ryan? What for?"

"Well, you probably haven't noticed, but he's been acting very strange over the last couple of weeks and I'm starting to get concerned." Was I the only one that had noticed? 

"Now that you mention it, he did look like a mindless zombie when I was him in the hallway this morning." Summer admitted. _Okay, great, so it wasn't just me._ I wasn't the only one that could clearly see that something was wrong with him. "So what's wrong with him? Is he sick? _Stoned_?" I knew the last one had to be a joke.

"No he's—no, he's not stoned." I shook my head, while I almost laughed at the idea of Ryan getting high. "I don't know what it is, but it's definitely not _that_. There's probably logic explanation for this." Ryan usually had his reasons.

"What are we talking about?" I looked over at hearing the sound of Marissa's voice. She sat down at our table with her lunch.

"Marissa, well isn't it nice for you to join us." I commented, in which received a weird look that quickly was changed to a neutral smile.

"Coop, where's Ryan?" Summer asked.

"I don't know. Maybe he went home." Marissa shrugged. _Well, that was no more helpful than me going over what I had noticed._ I would have thought she would have known more than I would even—even though I live with the guy—but apparently that's not true; Marissa seems to know less than I do. "So what were you guys talking about?" Marissa repeated her question from before.

"Cohen's worried about Ryan." Summer answered before I could get the chance.

"Ryan? What for?"

"Am I the only one who has noticed that Ryan has just seemed out of it for the last few weeks?" I swear, I would have at least thought Marissa would have noticed, considering they were such good friends. But she seemed just clueless.

"I'm going to get some water." Summer got up to leave momentarily.

"And yeah, I guess, I noticed a few weeks back. But I thought that was just because of that toothache." It took me a moment for what she said to click a switch in me. 

"What? Sorry, can you say that again? I thought you just said ' _toothache_ '." I wanted to clarify what I had just heard. I didn't recall Ryan ever having a toothache. A few weeks ago, that was me. I remember very clearly the pain I was in and I realize now I probably put my family in a bit of agony with my constant complaining. I'm glad none of them ever did that because that would be annoying. 

"Yeah. A few weeks ago, he had a toothache. He told me he wanted to wait until the weekend to get it taken care of, so I gave him some ora-jel to last him until then." Marissa explained.

It was like something just clicked in the back of my mind. _And it all made sense!_ Ryan had a toothache—or rather _he has a toothache_. I had no idea why he hadn't said anything, but I had an easy way to find out.

I stood up just as Summer came back. "Cohen, where are you going?"

"Sorry, but I have to go. Thanks for the help, Marissa." I knew I shouldn't leave school, but this was an emergency. I'm sure Ryan went home. I had to prove my theory. And see why Ryan had decided to keep this to himself.

* * *

Ryan's POV

I felt so exhausted. I was in so much pain. Ever since I had run out of the ora-jel a few days ago, it's been hell. What made it worse was that there wasn't any aspirin to give some relief. If I thought the pain was bad before, it was worse now. The pain was like a heartbeat. The throbbing had spread and now ached all the way through my jaw. I have been through a lot of pain before, but this could take the cake. It was definitely in the top ten. I wasn't sure how much longer I would be able to take it.

I went home right before lunch and tried to lay down. _Maybe I'll feel better if I rest for a bit._ Without anything for the pain, I hadn't been able to sleep very well as of late, so I was very exhausted. That could be adding to the discomfort. I needed some sleep. I felt like I was seconds away from finally falling asleep when Seth burst into the pool house.

"Seth, what are you doing here?" I asked, forcing myself to sit up.

"I could ask you the same." Seth replied, not answering my question. But I almost didn't care to ask again. I started to lay back down. "But let me ask you something; do you have a toothache?" I shot up that time and just stared at him for a moment.

"Why are you asking me that?" 

"I guess that answers my question." 

"I didn't say I have one."

"Yeah, but you didn't deny it either." Seth pointed out. S _on of a bitch! How the hell did he figure it out?_ I didn't think it was that obvious. At least it hadn't been until a few days ago when I ran out of the medicines. But I had tried to be careful. Whenever I was in pain, I would make sure I wasn't seen; when I could. The last few days I've kept myself in isolation and Seth and I didn't have any classes together. Before then, I was on medicine so I wasn't sure how he could have pieced it together.

"You talked to Marissa?" I finally thought of it. That was the only way he couldn't have figured it out.

"I don't know how she can be so clueless." Seth shook his head.

"It worked to my advantage." I laughed a bit. I wondered if I sounded anxious at all, because I felt nervous having this conversation with Seth. I wasn't sure what he was going to do now that he knew I had a toothache. I was worried that he wouldn't keep it to himself.

"Why'd you tell her?"

"Well she wouldn't leave me alone until I told her what was wrong so I bent the truth a bit." 

"Clearly because my parents never mentioned you having a toothache or having a dentist appointment—are you even a registered patient? I doubt—anyways, I kind of pieced it all together after talking to her. It wasn't that hard." Seth went on. "I'm guessing you ran out." Seth added. "I mean, unless you're dying—because you look like death, but I'm guessing it's just that tooth."

"I guess you have it all figured it out." 

"Yeah—well no—you see, I don't understand why you have the need to hide it and keep it to yourself. And also why you had to lie to Marissa. I mean, my parents could easily hook you up with the best dental care—" Seth trailed off. "Unless you're scared..."

"I'm not scared." 

"I mean—oh holy crap! Did I scare you? With all that talk when I got back from getting my face drill—fixed." Seth asked me. I gave him a look as he tried choosing his words more carefully. 

"No." It wasn't that. Though I wouldn't recommend Seth doing anything that involved bed-side manner because he clearly sucked at it.

"Then why?" 

"It doesn't matter." I wasn't going to talk to him about this. It was none of his business.

Seth looked over to the door of the pool house. I then looked over and saw that he could see Sandy and Kirsten in the kitchen. They must have come home for lunch. "Fine. I guess it won't matter if they know." I stopped Seth from leaving the pool house.

"They don't need to know. I'm fine." 

"You look terrible. I think they should know." Seth was persistent. 

"Seth, don't." I pleaded but I wasn't able to stop Seth, as I tripped. But as quickly as I could, scrambled to my feet and followed him inside. Sandy and Kirsten looked surprised to see us.

"What are you two doing here?" Kirsten asked. I didn't know how to answer.

"I can answer that—" I cut Seth off.

"We just forgot a few things." I claimed, but Seth pushed me back. How was I going to stop him? I don't want them to know. I can't bother them with this. Why can't Seth mind his own business? This is exactly why I didn't want him to find out.

"What's going on, boys?" 

"Nothing." 

"Ryan's not—" Sandy cut Seth off and he walked towards us. I almost felt relieved, but I didn't because of the way he was looking at me. I glanced away unable to look at him in the eye. 

"Ryan, are you doing okay?" Sandy asks, stepping in front of me. Thinking about it, I was starting to feel worse than when I got here. It had been a long time since I felt this awful. But they couldn't know that.

"You know dad, he's not—"

"Hold on, Seth." Sandy put his hand on my forehead. "Kid, you're burning up."

"Is he sick?" I heard Kirsten ask.

"You're a bit swollen here." I flinched at Sandy touching the left side of my jaw. The pain in my jaw was really bad. I didn't want to speak, afraid it would make the pain worse. Then I started to feel dizzy. My vision was becoming blurry and I felt weak at the knees. "Ryan?" Sandy's voice echoed and that was the last thing I heard before it all went black.


	4. The Hospital

**Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C. or any of its characters. Anything that you may recognize belongs to Josh** **Schwartz & FOX.**

* * *

Sandy's POV

I caught Ryan when he suddenly just dropped over. I looked down at him, holding his unconscious body in my arms. I looked up at Seth and Kirsten, before looking back down to Ryan. I shook him a bit and said his name. "Ryan?" There was no response. I felt his forehead and then turned my wife, not wanting to waste any more time. "Get the keys." As she went to grab them, I gave Seth a look telling him to help me. I slung one of Ryan's limp arms around me and then the other around Seth and we then managed to get him into the car. I tried to be careful, but it was hard because I was so damn scared my hands were shaking. 

Kirsten drove to the hospital and she sped most of the way. When we arrived I didn't waste time and managed to scoop Ryan up, likely from the adrenaline, and bring him into the emergency room. 

"What happened?" A nurse asked, quickly coming to our aid.

"My _son_ —he just collapsed." I told her as doctors then came over, bringing a gurney with them. They helped me place Ryan on the gurney and then I took a step back to give them space. I glanced back to see Seth and Kirsten were right behind me. "I don't know what happened—he felt like he had a fever." 

"Slow down sir." A doctor came over to me, putting his hand on my shoulder. I took a breath, but it didn't really help. How the he'll was I supposed to calm down and relax? "Tell me his name."

"Ryan." I realized they would also need his last name. "Atwood."

"And yours."

"Sandy Cohen."

"Okay, tell us exactly what happened."

"My wife and I just came for lunch and then my kids came in—I don't know what they were doing home—and he just looked off." I was rambling. "I felt his forehead and I think he has a temperature," I stopped trying to remember anything else, but all I could picture was Ryan dropping. "His jaw was swollen, if that's anything. And then he just—collapsed." 

"We're going to do everything we can for him." The doctor tried to reassure him. They then took Ryan again. I wanted to go with them, but I knew I couldn't. Kirsten wrapped an arm around me and I put my hand on Seth's shoulder. I looked between him and Kirsten. They both looked scared and I didn't blame them; I was too.

"He'll be okay." I said, for my benefit as well. I knew Ryan would be okay. _He had to be._

We sat down for a while, knowing it was going to be a while. I tried to sit down and stay calm, but after maybe ten seconds i stood up and started pacing. "Sandy, pacing isn't going to do anything—except maybe put a hole in the floor." Kirsten remarked and I didn't even laugh at her attempt to lift our spirits. "You should sit down." I couldn't. Not until I knew something. I continued to pace for about ten minutes. At some point, Kirsten left to get some coffee and I sat down briefly so Seth had someone to lean on in Kirsten's absence. Eventually she returned with the coffee. I was too anxious to drink more than a sip, but Seth on the other hand practically chugged it down. I put the coffee down on the floor and I felt Kirsten take my hand. I then wrapped my free arm around Seth.

"Family of Ryan Atwood." Eventually a doctor came out and the three of us stood.

"Is he okay?" Kirsten quickly asked before I could get one word out.

"He will be fine. I'm sorry, it took so long, but we wanted to make sure we covered all the bases before we gave you any news." The doctor told us and I nodded, but I just wanted to know what was going on.

"So what happened?" I asked.

"Well there are a few things." The doctor started off by saying. "Well, the simpler thing—Ryan was dehydrated so we have hooked up to an IV to get fluids."

"What's the bad news then?" I knew there was something worse coming.

"I have to ask, when's the last time Ryan has seen a dentist?" I scratch my head. This felt like Deja vú. I don't even think Ryan could answer that truthfully. He didn't seem to be completely sure when Kirsten and I had asked him a couple weeks ago.

"We don't know." 

"We adopted him. He's only been staying with us for a month." I cleared up. I didn't want the doctor thinking we neglected Ryan. "We had talked about it. Ryan wasn't exactly sure. It has been a while. We just hadn't gotten a chance to take him in yet."

"Okay, I understand. Has Ryan have disclosed about any pain lately?" 

"Ryan isn't much of a talker." I chuckled slightly. It was hard getting Ryan to talk to him, it was the opposite it when it came to Seth; whom would rarely ever shut up. "But no, he hadn't said that anything was bothering him." 

"What's wrong with him? Kirsten chimed in again, just wanting to know what was wrong with Ryan and what was going to happen. With where the doctor was going, I was starting to worry.

"I had to page the dental surgeon whom was luckily on-call for a consult and he found an abscess. That's what caused his fever. We did some tests and some scans on Ryan. He's very lucky, the infection wasn't as severe as it could have been and there doesn't appear to be any brain damage and the infection hasn't spread to his jaw or blood." 

"Oh… _god_ —so what are you going to do?"

"I started Ryan on some antibiotics to start clearing the infection. So that'll clear up in a few days, with pills that you can get after he's discharged. Also, he should be able to get off the IV in a couple hours." He explained. "You will be able to take him home tonight." I felt relieved, but not as completely relieved as I hoped I would be when we got to this point.

"Thank you." 

"Now in about five days, once the infection clears up, Ryan is going to need to see a dentist for treatment." He added. 

"Just out of curiosity, do you know what he'll need?" Seth chimed in.

"Well we were told by the oral surgeon to tell you there are two options, however considering Ryan is sixteen, I assume you'd want his tooth to be saved. So his best option is to get a root canal." I nodded at that. He was right; best option would be to save it.

"Can—can we see him?" 

"Yes. I'll have a nurse show you to his room." 

This kid has probably been in pain for weeks and never said a word. But why? Did he have this problem when we had discussed with him about wanting to get a checkup? How did Kirsten and I not notice? I guess I know where all those painkillers ended up. _What was Ryan thinking?_ I then thought about something—right when Ryan and Seth came into the house.

"Seth." I said and he looked at me. "At the house, what were you going to tell us? What were you guys doing home?"

"That Ryan has a toothache."

I sighed, turning to Kirsten, and then looked ahead as a nurse came over to take us to Ryan's room.

"Yeah, we know."

* * *

Ryan's POV

When I woke up, I didn't feel horrible. My head felt foggy. But my jaw—or rather my tooth—wasn't hurting much at all at the moment; I'll definitely appreciate that. I looked around the room and realized, that nothing about it was familiar. _Where the hell am I?_ I try to sit up, but my head was still spinning. So I laid back, choosing not to move for now. Then I put my hand on head and noticed something sticking out of my arm. I realized it was an IV in me. I must be in a hospital. 

"You're awake." I turned my head over to the right. I saw Seth sitting by my bedside.

"Yeah." I rubbed my eyes. I looked and then saw Sandy and Kirsten standing in the doorway. Kirsten looked really worried, while Sandy, looked upset. What had happened? 

"How are you doing?" Kirsten asked.

"Okay, I guess." I cleared my throat. "What happened?"

"You collapsed." Sandy told me. "So we took you the hospital to have doctors check you out."

"And what did they find?" I asked, nervously. I knew they probably found what I had been trying to hide.

"I think you know what they found Ryan" Seth chimed in. "and I didn't need to tell them. I guess in a way _you_ told them."

"Seth." He stops talking when Sandy says his name in a tone, wanting him to be quiet. It actually gave me chills.

"What did they say?" 

"That you were dehydrated. And that you an abscess—a tooth infection. They started you on the antibiotics to clear it. You'll have to take them over the next couple of days to get rid of it." Sandy explained. I guess that explained why the tooth pain was close to gone at the moment. I would have almost been relieved because the pain could get bad enough to where I wanted to shoot myself. I couldn't bring myself to look at Sandy, knowing he was angry. I didn't say anything else, just preparing myself for what he was going to say. _I deserve whatever is coming. Like always._

"Seth, why don't you go ask the nurse if Ryan can get something to eat." Kirsten suggested. I knew that was probably because she didn't want Seth in the room when I got yelled at. Seth opened his mouth to protest—or maybe to just comment—but he didn't at seeing the look on Sandy's face. He just got up and left without a word.

"I'm sorry." I started off by saying; I knew that probably would be the place to start.

"No, you're not." Sandy replied without hesitation. I just looked away—not at them—but rather at the shaded window; I couldn't look at them. Sandy was right, I wasn't exactly sorry about keeping it from them. I wish they didn't know about it now.

"Sandy—" Kirsten tried.

"Kirsten, if he was really sorry, he wouldn't have done something like this." Sandy argued; he was right. I wasn't really sorry about what I did, I was sorry if I made them worry or if I scared them. I didn't want to do that to them. I didn't want to make them worry about me.

"Now I just don't understand how you could do something like this." Sandy was clearly frustrated with me. I didn't blame him, but I wouldn't take it back. I would still keep it from them if I could. "Ryan, why did you do this? They said you've probably been in pain for weeks. A few weeks ago, when Kirsten and I brought up the dentist you said ' _you were fine_ ' and I believed you. I also believed you would come to us if you needed to go. But it turns out, I was an idiot for believing you." I flinched a bit as his voice got louder. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"I didn't want to bother you." I mumbled.

"You think what happened today didn't bother us? We were worried out of our minds about you." I refused to look at them or answer. I felt guilty. It seemed I just made their lives more complicated the longer I'm here. "For a smart kid, this was really stupid." I flinched again. "You realize how serious you could have hurt yourself?"

"I get it I screwed up!" I snapped and turned to them, not looking them in the eye. I had screwed up again. I was a screw up and I would always be. All I did was make everything worse for the people around me. _Maybe things would be better if I wasn't around._ "I get it. I will always be a screw up. People have been telling me that my whole life. I got the message." I turned back around onto my side.

"Ryan, that's not true." I heard Kirsten say as she put her hand on my shoulder. "We just wanted you to come to us when you're hurt so we can help you. It isn't bother."

"Yeah, my mom said that once—but I guess it only applied that minute then. I tell her my teeth hurt and she yells at how I'm such a problem, always complaining. Tells me if she hears it again, I'll be in for it. But then the pain gets so bad, I couldn't help it. And what do I get? My ass kicked." I don't even know why I said that. I was just so upset and I just was tired; it just came out. People say they can always talk to you if you have a problem. It's never a bother—well that wasn't the case for me. I'm just always a bother.

"Try and get some rest." Kirsten whispered and I shut my eyes, just wanting to sleep.

* * *

Sandy's POV

I just stood there, not able to say anything at Ryan's outburst. I didn't know if there was anything I could say. I was at a loss. It's not like I could take back any of the things I said. I wish I could as I didn't really want to go off on Ryan, especially being in this situation. The kid was probably in enough pain as it is, but hearing all this, it just upset me. I care about Ryan. I love him. I couldn't believe he would do something like this and that I didn't notice.

"Sandy, I think you should get some air." 

I decided I'd go for a short walk and then come back. We had time to kill until Ryan could be discharged. _I'm the idiot._ What the kid has gone through—I tried not to think about the details of what Ryan's mother and her boyfriends put him through. Neither Kirsten nor I liked to think about things because it made us sick. I just cared about him so much, I just can't fathom why people would treat a child like the way he's been treated. _Damn it, I shouldn't have yelled at_ _him_. He probably hated me now. I just wish he would have let me in. I wanted to help Ryan, in any way I can. I guess I'll have to figure out a different approach. Maybe I'll be able to figure out a way to get through to him before his dentist appointment.


	5. The Apology

**Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C. or any of its characters. Anything that you may recognize belongs to Josh** **Schwartz & FOX.**

* * *

Ryan's POV

They discharged me from the hospital. I didn't speak to anyone on the ride there or over the next couple of days. I hated myself for what I did. But also because now Sandy and Kirsten were constantly worrying about me. Sandy was right, it was a stupid thing to do. _Why did I do it? Just because I was scared._ I would take my antibiotics and then go to school like normal. I did my homework and tried to stay out of everyone's way. I couldn't look at neither Sandy nor Kirsten. After what happened, I figured staying out of the way would make things less difficult. I didn't know if I will ever be able make it up to them. _I scared them; I wish I hadn't._

I didn't speak at dinner. I ate only a little bit and then went back to the pool house to finish my homework. I was unable to focus and eventually gave up. I laid down and closed my eyes to get some sleep, trying to ignore how I scared I felt.

...

_I was nine years old when I got my first toothache. And I tried as best I could to keep it from my mom. But she eventually found, but not until I had it for two weeks. She demanded to know why I wasn't eating the dinner she had taken time out of her day to make. Even though, I wouldn't consider putting some food into the microwave counted as cooking. And that's when I told her. Then, I had only been afraid of her finding out because I knew she would be really angry. The screaming lasted a long while. She went from yelling about how I didn't take care of myself to that not being a reason to not eat, so inevitably she forced me to the eat the dinner. If it hadn't been so hot, it might not have been so awful. Every time I took I bite, I tried to hide the urge to wince. But I couldn't stop some tears from falling when the hot food hit the sore tooth. My mom slapped me whenever I had a face. Then on my final note, when I couldn't take it much longer, Trey stopped her from hurting me again._

_"Stop it! He can't help it!" Trey yelled in defense as I curled up in a corner to get away from her._

_"He's being a baby." My mom slurred._

_"He's nine years old."_

_"He's not a baby and he shouldn't be acting like one." Mom turned me with this angry looked on her face and she attempted to come closer._

_"I'm sorry…" I whimpered softly as she came closer._

_"Bullshit! You're not sorry!" She yelled and I flinched away. "If you were 'sorry' you would have taken better care of yourself." I tried to. I really did. "What are you going to do about it, huh? Should I go get the pliers?" She suggested. I blanched and shuffled away from her until my back hit the wall._

_Trey pushed her away from me._ _"Don't be a bitch!" Trey got punched in response._

_"Take that back!" She pulled his hair. "You will show me respect!" But Trey never did. He managed to get out of her grasp. "And what am I supposed to do about him?"_

_"Rick's a dentist." Trey was talking about mom's boyfriend at the time. "Just ask him to help."_

_"No." She refused._

_"If you do, he'll be a good boy again." Trey said and when they both looked at me. I nodded quickly. Mom always hated when we got whiney and didn't do everything she wanted. I knew that's what Trey meant by that. If she helped, I wouldn't cry anymore and she seemed to like that._

_"Fine." She stormed off to her bedroom. taking a bottle of vodka with her._

_Trey helped me to my feet and cleaned me up afterwards. There was a cut on my cheek from one of mom's nails. By the time Trey had finished cleaning me up, Rick came home. Mom explained what happened and he told me that he would take care of me tomorrow. Little did I know the hell I was in for._

_The next day, my mom dropped me off at the office that Rick worked at. She didn't say where she was going while I was here, but I assumed it was a bar or a liquor store. Apparently we only had one bottle of vodka left so she was going to need more. I went inside by myself and waited in the dark waiting room until Rick was ready. I wished Trey could have come with me, but Rick told me that he couldn't come. I sat down in a big chair and Rick looked in my mouth. He said it would be easy to fix. Then he asked me if I wanted a shot in my mouth. I didn't know then that the shot would have numbed my mouth so I didn't feel any pain. So I told him I didn't want it. I think he expected that from a nine year old and was satisfied with the answer._

_"Okay, you're going to need to hold still." Rick picked up a big tool._

_"Is it gonna hurt?" I asked._

_"Open your mouth." He didn't answer me._

_"Is it going to hurt?" I asked again and he still didn't answer me. "What are you going to do?"_

_"It's too hard to explain, Ryan," I noticed an eye roll as he put on a mask, covering most of his face. "You won't understand, so there's no point in me telling you. Now hold still and open your mouth." He demanded._

_I knew he was getting angry. It never took long for him to get angry with me at home and I didn't want to get my ass kicked later. I definitely didn't want him telling my mom I didn't cooperate. I opened my mouth and as soon as I did, it started hurting. I tried moving away, so he stopped for a moment. He whispered something to the other person and then looked back at me. He forced my mouth open and put something in so I wouldn't be able to close it. And then he started again. This time I couldn't move away because the other person was holding my head. All I could do was cry because it hurt so badly._

_Afterwards, my mom got mad at me for not seeming to be any happier that she convinced Rick to help me. She demanded to know why and I told her it hurt._ _"Well it's your own damn fault."_

_Then later that night, Rick kicked my ass for telling. Apparently my mom talked to him about it later. Maybe a part of her felt guilty that I got hurt; at least that's what I hoped. But that didn't last long. Shortly after that Rick broke up with my mom saying that he was going to get in trouble with my lies and he didn't want to be with someone who didn't believe in him. Though I was happy that he was gone, things were just as bad at home. Mom blamed me for him leaving. And she wished she had never believed me about what Rick did._

_And I wished I never told her in the first place._

* * *

Sandy's POV

Dinner was silent. It had been that way for the past couple of days since we brought Ryan back home from the hospital. I knew it was my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at Ryan. _I just lost it._ I was so worried and scared for him. I didn't think. I hadn't really meant all of what I had said. I felt horrible about it. Now Ryan wouldn't even look at me. I'd give him his medicine to take and that's as much contact we've had; it's killing me. I want to apologize, but I don't know what to say. I don't know how. I don't even know if Ryan will listen to what I have to say.

"Sandy, you need to talk to him." Kirsten told me after Ryan had left the house to go back to the pool house.

"I don't know what to say to him." I admitted, getting up and putting the dishes in the sink and rinsing them off. "I don't even know if he wants me to."

"Sandy, he does. I see the way he looks at you." Kirsten took the dishes from me. "Ryan, loves you—he looks up to you—and I think he thinks you're still upset with him." I wasn't. I was more upset with myself than him. I shouldn't have acted like that towards him, especially right after he woke up. I was the one being stupid. 

"I'll go talk to him." I also had to find out why Ryan did this. I had a feeling there was more to this.

"Take him his medicine. It's his last pill." Kirsten hands me his medicine and a bottle of water.

"Got it, thanks." I gave her a kiss and then headed out the pool house. I looked in and noticed Ryan was asleep. I step inside the pool house and sighed; I didn't really want to wake him even though I knew we had to talk. I set the bottle and pill on the end table next to his bed as contemplated on whether I should leave him for a while or wait until Ryan woke up. But then I heard him mumbling in his sleep.

" _No, stop_ ," Ryan mumbled. " _Hurting me._ "

It sounded like he was having a nightmare, so I decided it would be best for me to wake him. "Ryan," I shook him gently. "Wake up."

Eventually he woke up and looked at me, startled. "Sandy?"

"It looked like you were having a bad dream, kid." I sat down on the edge of the bed, sighing as Ryan moved away.

"I'm fine." 

"Here's the last bit of your medicine." I handed him a pill and some water. He took it from me and I tried to figure out what I was going to say. I noticed Ryan wouldn't look me in the eye and I realized Kirsten was right; he thought I was still angry. "Ryan, can we talk?" Ryan looked up at me fractionally. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For what I said at the hospital."

"It's fine. You were right—"

"No, I wasn't. Ryan," I knew I couldn't take it back, though I wish I could. "I didn't mean what I said. I really didn't. I was just—" 

"I bothered you?"

"Ryan, you are not a bother. Don't think you are. That's not what I meant." I didn't want Ryan to think he was a bother to us; he was far from that. "I was scared. I didn't know what was going on with you. You just collapsed right in front of me and I didn't know why. I was scared about what was wrong with you and what might have happened." I explained, hoping this was making sense to him. "I was scared of losing you." 

"I'm sorry, I scared you." Ryan apologized.

"Ryan, you have to understand that I just care about you. I didn't know what was happening and when the doctor told me what was wrong—I felt like it was my fault. I thought it was my fault for not noticing something was wrong with you." 

"It's not your fault." Ryan replied. "I've had practice. It was common practice to hide problems in my family."

"Ryan, you're part of our family now. We really need you to tell us if you need something—especially if it's something like this." We couldn't have something like this happen again. "We can't help you if we don't know anything is wrong." Ryan nodded. I put my hand on his shoulder. "I know you're not used to it. But we love you and just need to make sure you're okay."

Ryan nodded.

"I'm sorry." I repeated. I couldn't help myself for apologizing again. "Do you need anything? Are you ready for tomorrow?" I wanted to see how Ryan was doing about what's coming. Tomorrow, I have to take him to get a root canal. Now that he's finished the antibiotics, the infection should be clear and he can get the procedure done. He hadn't said anything when Kirsten and I first told him, though that didn't exactly surprise me. But I wanted to see how he was doing now that the information has probably sunk in.

"No." Ryan answered and I grin, amusingly. I don't blame the kid. He's sixteen and has to go get a root canal; and I doubted it would end there with the dental work. He hadn't been in a while and Kirsten and I have realized this was something best not to put off.

"I wouldn't be either." I put my hand on his back. I knew getting a root canal wasn't going to be fun. It was going to hurt. It probably wouldn't hurt as much as Ryan has been hurting, but it was going to hurt. There was no denying that.

"You know, I think there's a big test tomorrow. So maybe we should cancel— _delay_ it." Ryan suggested, hoping to find a way out of going. It wasn't going to work. I think even a part of Ryan knew that, but I didn't blame the kid for trying. No one wants to go to the dentist.

"Ryan, we can't." He had to go. 

"It was worth a shot." He replied, forcing a smile, trying to prove that he was fine, but I knew he wasn't.

"Is there something else bothering you?" Ryan hesitated for a moment before shaking his head. "Ryan, I know something is on your mind." 

"It doesn't matter." 

"If something's bothering you, it matters to me." I told him, seriously. It does matter to me. I wanted to be able to help him in any way I could; I just wish Ryan would let me in. "C'mon Ryan, talk to me."

"Well, there's another reason I didn't want to tell you and Kirsten." Ryan started off by saying. "And it's the same reason I don't want to go tomorrow."

"Are you scared?" Ryan nodded slowly. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I'm sure Ryan had his reasons for that. Even though, you didn't really need a solid reason to dread the dentist.

Ryan shrugged.

"You can tell me."

"I was nine and my mom's boyfriend at the time was a dentist. He didn't like me very much. And when I had this toothache, he—um—well he didn't give me anything for the pain." Ryan explained and I didn't know what to say.

"Ryan, did you ever tell anyone?"

"I told my mom." I had a feeling that didn't go well. "But Rick said I was lying and then used that as leverage when he broke up with her." I shook my head. "She blamed for me for that and I guess she didn't believe me anymore." 

"It wasn't your fault." I start off with telling Ryan and he finally looked at me. "And I believe you." And nothing would convince me otherwise. And based on Ryan's reaction, he needed to hear that. "I'm sorry that happened to you." _It wasn't fair._ I knew Ryan's life had been anything but fair from what I saw in his file, from what little he's told me, and then actually meeting his mother. But it seemed that wasn't everything; only the tip of the iceberg. Why did this kid have to go through so much pain? 

"It's okay." Ryan tries to push it off as nothing, but I won't let him do that.

"No, it's not." What happened was not okay. It shouldn't have happened. "I'm sorry, that shouldn't have happened." My voice was firm but calm. Though hearing what happened made me angry. "Look, tomorrow's not going to easy. I'd like to tell you it's not going to hurt, but I'm not going to lie to you. It's going to hurt."

"Thanks for making me feel better."

"But it won't be as bad as the pain you've put yourself through." Ryan had to know I was right about that.

"I guess you're right." But he didn't seem to feel much better about it.

"It'll be okay. We'll get through this." I put an arm around him. "I'll be there with you, the entire time." 

"You don't have to go with me, Sandy." 

"Actually I do," There were a number a reasons for that. "For one: you're not going to want to drive after you've had a root canal; trust me." I knew from experience he was going feel lousy afterwards. "And two: do you really think I'd trust you to go on your own?"

"I guess you have a point," Ryan chuckled slightly. "Or two."

"I'm here for you. Whatever you need, just let me know." I patted his back. I would do anything I could to help him.

"Sandy?" I noticed Ryan almost hesitated again. "Would you stay with me? Tomorrow, I mean. You don't have to, but it might be easier..."

I smiled. "You won't go through this alone," I brought my arm around Ryan again. "If that's what you need. I'll be with you the whole time." I promised. Ryan hugged me and I was pleasantly surprised. I wrapped my arms around him. "Everything will be just fine." I assured him; I would make sure everything went okay tomorrow.


	6. The Dentist

**Disclaimer: I do not own The O.C. Everything belongs to FOX and Josh.**

* * *

Ryan's POV

I woke up to the sound of my alarm going off. I rolled over onto my side and hit the snooze button before pulling the sheets closer to me, not making any movements to get out of bed. I wasn't going to school today, but I would have to get up soon enough. Sandy told me before I went to bed last night that I had an appointment in the morning with the dentist. I felt nauseous at the thought. I felt worse than when I was on the Ferris Wheel with Marissa. The very thought of today was making my stomach hurt. I knew should be able to put on a façade and do this, but the only thing I could manage was to lay there and dread the inevitable. I knew I had to go; Sandy made the clear. 

Eventually I got out of bed and went into my bathroom. I splashed some water on my face and took a shower. I was hoping it would help; I didn't. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror after I finished getting dressed. _I look worse than I feel._ I splashed some more water on my face before leaving the bathroom and the pool house.

When I walked into the kitchen, I noticed Kirsten standing in her usual spot pouring herself a cup of coffee. I went into the cupboard to take out a bowl and the box of cereal, hoping that eating something might help.

"Morning Ryan." Kirsten smiled.

"Morning." I replied back as I went into the fridge and got the milk for my cereal. I sat down and pushed the cereal around in the bowl.

"You doing okay?" I looked up at Kirsten and contemplated on whether I should tell her the truth or what I thought she would want to hear.

"Not really." I admitted. I realized she probably could tell how I was doing.

"Nervous about today?" She asks me and I slowly nodded my head, still looked at the cereal in my bowl. I couldn't even bring myself to take a bite.

"He should be nervous." I looked up, hearing Seth's voice.

"Morning to you too, Seth." Kirsten replied to his remark.

"Morning mother. Now as I was saying—Ryan has every right to be nervous. He's getting a root canal. He's going to have to lay there while his tooth is being opened so they can remove the nerve. I imagine it won't be pleasant." I suddenly felt hot. _Is it hot in here?_ It felt stuffy and it getting harder to breathe.

"Seth—"

"Do you remember how dad was when he got one? You think he was in pain—I think we were in a bit of pain ourselves because of that..." Seth kept going on. I started to feel really sick.

"Seth!" Kirsten exclaimed.

"Hey, what are we talking about?" Sandy asked, coming in. I got up, not being able to hold it back any longer.

"I'm gonna be sick." I ran off to the bathroom. I closed the door behind me and then started to vomit into the toilet in the hallway. 

* * *

Sandy's POV

I had taken the day off work so I could take Ryan to his appointments. I had gotten up early even to call the dentist—and the endodontist—that Ryan would be seeing to make sure they understood Ryan's experiences and to be _patient_ with him. I knew them personally and I knew they were nice men, but I knew warning them about Ryan's experiences was important. I needed this experience to be as good as it could be for Ryan. I knew having this procedure was already going to be hard on him; I just had to make it as easy as I could.

I got dressed and then went downstairs. I could hear Seth going on about something—like usual—and then I heard Kirsten's voice, which caused Seth to stop talking. And just as quickly, Ryan bolted from kitchen.

"What happened?" I asked as I turned to my wife. She had her arms crossed and she glared at our son.

"Your son was giving Ryan a _pep_ _talk_." Kirsten replied.

"You want to explain to me what that means?" I looked at Seth seriously.

"I was just explaining why Ryan had every right to be nervous about getting a root canal." Seth said, awkwardly while biting his lip. I glanced between him and Kirsten, getting a vibe that Seth may have only made the situation with Ryan worse.

"Elaborate." I urged and then Kirsten told me what he had said. I smacked the back of Seth's head.

"Ow!" Seth exclaimed as he his hand on the back of his head.

"What is wrong with you?" 

"Well I was just hit in the back of the head, for starters…" 

"Ryan was scared out of his wits without that 'pep talk' of yours." I shook my head. I knew it was going to be a lot harder now. I knew it was going to be difficult before Seth had induced the anxiety sickness.

"I don't think Ryan gets scared, dad." Seth said.

"Well he certainly is now." Kirsten responded, walking back into the room.

"Ryan's scared of the dentist?" Seth asked in disbelief.

"Not another word out of you." For once, I needed him to keep his mouth shut before he made things worse.

"Everyone is afraid of something Seth. He has his reasons, just like you have your reasons for being afraid of needles." Kirsten pointed out.

Then there was a honk of horn coming from outside. We knew that must be Seth's ride to school.

"And that is my que to leave." Seth said.

"This is going to be tough on Ryan." I took a sip of my coffee just as my bagel popped out of the toaster.

"He looked really scared." Kirsten said as I spread cream cheese on my bagel. "Maybe I should call my father and tell him I can't come in today."

"No honey, we'll be okay." I assured her.

"Are you sure, Sandy?"

"We'll manage. And besides, how do you think your dad would react?" I pointed out. It might be one thing if she were sick, but knowing Caleb Nichol, he wouldn't be too keen on letting her miss work because Ryan was having some dental work. I knew it could maybe help if Kirsten came too, but I also knew that Ryan. He would feel like he was burdening us if she took off work. I knew it would be best if I took Ryan myself.

"Well, if you're sure." Kirsten said. I could tell she still felt guilty about going to work. I wrapped my arms around her and kissed her on her cheek.

"Don't worry, Kirsten. We'll be fine."

"Are you sure?" She asks. "Ryan seems really scared, Sandy. I've never seen him like this."

"It'll be okay." I assured her, again. "But, tell you what? If we need you, I'll call you."

Kirsten nodded. "I better get to work. I'll see you and the boys tonight." She kissed me and then left.

I waited a few minutes before I went over to the hallway bathroom. I knocked on the door and then tried to listen carefully.

"Ryan?" I called before knocking. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," Ryan said, weakly. "Just a minute."

"I'm sorry about Seth. You know how he is; he has a lot to say, but he never thinks before he speaks." I shrugged and then frowned as I could hear Ryan throwing up. He was still getting sick. I knew this wasn't entirely Seth's fault, but he surely helped.

"Ryan? I'm coming in." I warned before I opened the door and walked in to see Ryan hovering over the toilet with his hands trembling. I rubbed circles on his back as he vomited for a couple more minutes.

"I think I'm okay now." Ryan tried to stand up. I helped him to his feet, feeling sorry for him. I knew he was far from 'okay'. He just spent a good amount of time vomiting because he was scared about today. I put my arm around him and lead him to the couch. I then brought him a glass of water and he hesitated, but eventually took it.

"Don't worry about what Seth said," I repeated, trying to reassure him today was going to be fine. "It will be fine."

"I don't feel well." Ryan took a sip.

"I know you're nervous, but you will be okay." I assured him. "Remember, this is to help you. Now that the infection is cleared, we have to get this taken care of so you don't get another one." Ryan nodded, but looking at him, I knew that hearing this didn't make this any easier. I wish he would tell how he was feeling, so I could help him. "Ryan, you don't have to pretend you're okay. I know you're not." He glanced over at me. "Ryan, I know you're scared. I understand that you are. I want—I _need_ you to talk about it—talk to _me_ about it. I'm here to help you, but I need to know how." I explained and then Ryan turned to me, reluctantly, as he contemplated on what to say to me.

"You really want to know what I'm feeling?" Ryan asked.

"I do." 

"I feel like I can't breathe," Ryan said. "I don't know if I can do this." I look at Ryan and noticed how his hands were trembling. I put my arm around Ryan and reassuringly rub his shoulder.

"It's going to be okay, Ryan. I talked to the dentist—and the endodontist. I know them personally. They are nice. They will be patient with you and go at your pace. You can take your time. They aren't going to hurt you. I wouldn't let anyone hurt you. I will be there next to you the entire time, as long as you want that. I promise you, everything will be just fine." I assured him. I hoped Ryan would know I wouldn't let anyone hurt him.

I was taken aback when Ryan buried his head into my shoulder. I just hadn't expected it. It was hard to get Ryan to talk to me or and he was never like this to me; but I certainly didn't mind. I wrapped my arms around Ryan and rubbed circles on his back.

"I'm scared." Ryan admitted in a whisper.

"It's going to be okay. Promise." I assured him as I continued to comfort him as best I could.

* * *

Ryan's POV

"I thought my appointment wasn't until the afternoon?" I asked Sandy, as I followed him outside to the car when he said it was time to go.

"Yes, your appointment with the _endodontist_ is this afternoon. But this morning you have an appointment to see a _dentist_ , first." Sandy explained.

_So I have two appointments in one day? Great._

"Why do I have to see a dentist too?" It was bad enough having to get a root canal later. It didn't make sense to me why I had to see the dentist first. Couldn't a checkup wait a while? I felt sick enough thinking about the one appointment.

"Relax, okay?" Sandy put a hand on my shoulder. "They need to have a temporary crown made for you, so you need to have an impression done of that tooth. He also needs to take x-rays and do an exam." I guess that made sense. But I wasn't thrilled. Even less thrilled about having two appointments in one day.

I silently nodded and got into the car. I just decided to make this easier on Sandy. We got to the office a bit early, but I realized that's what Sandy intended on doing as he needed to fill out some paperwork. I sat down next to Sandy in the waiting room as he began to fill out the paperwork, answering any questions he had, that he didn't exactly know how to answer on his own. He finished and then handed it back to the receptionist. I knew it was only a matter of time before I would get called back; I was dreading it. My leg was bouncing nervously and I shut my eyes as my chest started to feel tight. 

I opened my eyes at the feeling of Sandy putting his hand on my knee. "You're going to be alright, Ryan." Sandy said.

"I don't know if I can do this, Sandy." I admitted. I don't know how I was going to be able to do this. I felt sick. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My hands were trembling. 

"Well I disagree." Sandy replied. "You know how I know? Because you are Ryan Atwood. You're brave and a really good kid. You've gone through scarier things on your own. I know that you are scared now, but this time you're not alone. I'm here for you, Ryan, and I can be right next to you the entire time if you want me to."

I nodded. I knew I shouldn't ask for it. It's not his responsibility. It isn't his problem. I did this to myself and should be able to face it, but I can't. I _need_ Sandy.

"Ryan Atwood." I looked up at hearing my name. I saw a young woman in scrubs. "If you could follow me, I'm going to take you to do some x-rays." She told me—as if I had a choice in the matter. I looked at Sandy.

"Go on Ryan. I'll be there in the room, okay?" Sandy tells me and I nodded. I knew he wouldn't be able to come back for that—I knew how x-rays worked—but I guess it was nice to hear the reassurance of him being there for me here on after that.

I reluctantly got up and followed the woman back to a room where they did x-rays. It didn't take very long. It didn't hurt, but I felt uncomfortable. After she finished, she brought me back to an exam room. I looked to my right and saw Sandy sitting in a chair in the corner as I walked in. I felt relieved that he was there.

"Just take a seat, Ryan. We'll be with you in a moment." The woman said, before leaving Sandy and I alone in the room. I looked back at what was in front of me; a maroon reclining chair. It looked a lot like the one I had sat in before. This entire room looked similar; it certainly didn't make me feel any better about being here. I jumped a little at feeling Sandy put his hand on my shoulder.

"You okay?" Sandy asked and I nodded as I reluctantly sat down on the chair, though even I wouldn't have believed that.

"Do you want to tell me what's on your mind then?" Sandy asked, standing on my right with his hand placed on my shoulder.

"It's not important." I shook my head.

"If it bothers you, it's important to me." Sandy insisted.

"This room is like—the last one I was in." I shrugged.

"I could ask them to move you into a different room." Sandy offered, but I shook his head. He didn't have to do that. I would be fine. I could suck it up and deal with it.

"No, it's okay. You don't have to do that." 

"Ryan, it's okay. I'm sure they won't mind." Sandy insisted. "I want you to be comfortable."

"I'm not going to be comfortable no matter if the chair is red or white." I doubted that there was a way for me to feel comfortable in this situation.

"You know what I mean." Sandy said; well at least I could attempt at making a joke. "Hold on, I will go find the doctor and ask him to switch—" Sandy made a way to the door but I stopped him before he could leave.

"Don't go." I choked out, still grasping onto Sandy's arm. I may be keeping together now, but if he left, I knew I wouldn't be able to. I didn't want him to leave. Right now, Sandy being here with me was the only thing keeping me from going off the edge; I couldn't handle it if he left.

"Oh Ryan," Sandy said as he rubbed my shoulder. "It's okay. You know what? I can wait until he comes in here." I nodded quickly; that was a better idea. "Just try and relax, okay?" I wasn't sure how to do that. But I would try. "I'm right here and everything is alright."

"Sorry." I said, eventually releasing my grip on his arm.

"Don't apologize, Ryan." Sandy told me. "You're doing fine."

Sandy stood by my side until the dentist came into the room and that's when Sandy asked if we could switch rooms so it'd be more comfortable. He agreed. He had his assistant lead us to a room farther in the back that looked different. I sat down in the chair while the assistant got everything ready. 

"Is this better Ryan?" Sandy asked me once I got situated in the chair.

"Yeah," I nodded. I didn't think it would make a difference. But it did, slightly. "Thanks."

"Anything that helps Ryan." Sandy grinned. The dentist came over and Sandy took a few steps away from where he had been standing. "I'll be right over there Ryan, okay?" I looked over and saw Sandy motioning to the normal chair in the corner of the room by the door. I resisted the urge to frown and nodded. I felt better with Sandy right next to me, but I didn't argue, as I knew it was better than him having to wait outside.

The dentist and his assistant then sat down once Sandy had moved away. "It's nice to finally meet you, Ryan. I'm Dr. Anderson." He extended his hand out to me. I hesitated at first, but then shook it; well he seemed nice—at least nicer than Rick. "I've heard a lot of good things about you. Though I wish we were meeting on better circumstances."

"What would be better" I asked. I assumed it would still be here.

"Well I didn't expect my first time meeting you would be for me to get impressions for a crown." He chuckled a bit. I guess that was true. 

"Okay I'll explain what I'll be doing for you. Now I have looked at your x-rays. Now before I do the impression, I just want to do a quick exam. After that, I will numb the area and do the impression for the crown." He explained. I felt slightly relieved at actually knowing what was going to happen. Rick never explained; he didn't want to bother wasting time.

"Okay." I tried not to sound nervous, but I don't think I succeeded in that attempt.

"If you need some time before we start, that's okay." He told me and I shook my head. I didn't want to waste any more of this guy's time. He probably would have other patients to get to at some point. I just have to suck it up and do this. 

"Okay, if you're sure."

The chair went back to the point where I was laying back. I heard the snap of gloves being put on, which made me flinch. Then something was being clipped around my neck and then for a second, a bright light shined in my eyes.

"Are you sure you are ready, Ryan?" He asked. "It's okay, if you're not. We can wait a few minutes more minutes."

Why was he so insistent? I told him I was ready. Why didn't he believe me? I wasn't really ready, but how did he know? I looked down and noticed that my hands were gripping the arm rests and trembling. I guess, that would be a dead giveaway.

"Sorry." I apologized as I let go of the arm rests and put them at my lap.

"Ryan, it's okay. I understand that this is a lot." He said. Sandy was right about them being patient. "Is there anything we can do to make this easier?"

"Well, you can let me leave." I joked slightly. 

"Sorry, I can't let you do that." He chuckled.

"Still worth a try, right?" I said, glancing over at Sandy, making sure he was still here; he was. I felt the need to keep checking.

Then Sandy walked up to the dentist and asked him "Would it be okay if I sat next to Ryan?" I looked over to see what his answer was and in response, he nodded. Sandy pulled a chair to the right of me and then squeezed my shoulder. I let out a shaky breath.

"Thanks." I mumbled; I felt more at ease with him next to me.

"You're okay," Sandy said. "Just take some deep breaths and…" He trailed off and then I felt him take hold of my right hand. I looked at him. "…squeeze my hand if you need to, okay?"

I nodded with a slight grin before laying back. I guess the dentist took it as a sign that I was ready to start. He sat back down and turned the light back on. I flinched at the sound of him picking up the metal tools; I shut my eyes as I felt Sandy squeeze my hand, reassuringly.

"Okay Ryan, if you could open your mouth for me, I'll do an exam." 

I complied and the exam began. I felt a few stings as he tapped against a few teeth one tool. It hurt a little, but it wasn't that bad. I gripped Sandy's hand a bit tighter when I felt him getting closer to the tooth that was going to have a root canal done it later today. I prayed that he wasn't going to touch it, but I knew that he probably had to. But he didn't, instead the tools were removed from my mouth. I shut my mouth and opened my eyes.

"Okay so before I do the impression of the tooth, I'm going to numb the area so it doesn't hurt. Sound alright?" He explained to me and I nodded; I knew that was probably a good idea. "Just try and relax for a minute." He said, before going over to the counter. I looked over and briefly, I think I saw a syringe. I probably would've known for sure if Sandy hadn't stopped me from looking.

"Don't think about that okay?" Sandy told me.

"It's kind of hard to think about anything else, Sandy." Normally I wasn't afraid of needles. But this was a different circumstance.

"Well, at least, don't look at that. Just look at me—focus on me." Sandy said and I nodded. "You're doing well."

"We've barely done anything." I pointed out.

"Don't sell yourself short, Ryan." Sandy tells me. "This is hard and I know it is. You're doing well." He rubs my shoulder and I slightly grinned. But I wasn't to congratulate myself or anything. The only thing I let him do was an exam and I still had to do the rest of this and then the root canal. I only managed to do it because I knew it was easiest thing I'd have to do today; and I had no choice. 

"How much is this going to hurt?" I asked quietly. I hated how childish I sounded. And I just needed to know so I could prepare myself.

"You'll be okay. It'll be quick." Sandy told me.

The dentist came back over with the assistant whom, adjusted the overhead light. "Don't worry, Ryan. I'm good at the injections."

"Isn't that something anyone would say?"

"Well I'm telling the truth—just don't ask Seth." He replied and I laughed a little. I knew Seth hated needles more than the next guy. I guess I could imagine they'd have a _fun_ time treating him.

"Are you ready, Ryan?" Sandy asked me, before the dentist could and I nodded, starting to squeeze his hand a bit tighter.

"Okay, you'll feel a light pinch. Just open up for me." He asked me to and I complied, as Sandy squeezed my hand back. He had me close my mouth slightly more before giving me the injection. It ended up not being as bad as I thought it was going to be. Then after a few minutes, my face felt heavy on one side. 

"Okay, I'm going to do the impression now. It will take a few minutes." He told me.

"I'll talk you through it." Sandy told me—whatever that meant. "You want hear embarrassing stories about Seth?" He asked and I laughed, but nodded. Mostly, because anything that could distract me from my current situation, I would take; and I could always use whatever he told me against Seth later if I needed to.

"You should tell him about the last time Seth was here." The dentist commented and I laughed; that sounded like a good one. He then turned to me, ready to finish with me. "Open wide, Ryan."

I shut my eyes and opened my mouth. I felt some pressure, but it didn't hurt at all. If anything, during this, I just felt very uncomfortable. But I just tried to think about what Sandy was telling me. It was hard not to laugh—Seth could do that. Eventually it was over and then I was able to get up from the chair and leave. I went to the door and saw Sandy approach the dentist. I decided not to stay and went out to the car.

* * *

Sandy's POV

Ryan had done well with this. He did a lot better than Seth would have done—especially when it came time for the injection. I knew this was the easier appointment compared to what else Ryan was going to have to do today, but even considering, he had done well. I knew it was hard for him. 

"Is there anything else I should know about?" I asked after Ryan had left the room.

"Well besides, the tooth at hand, I know about. Ryan does have a couple of cavities. But with what you've told me about him and his background, I'm actually surprised that's all." I was relieved that was all as well. Ryan didn't need another root canal after today.

"Thank you for everything today." 

"No problem. I'll see you two again soon."

I took Ryan back home to the house. We had a couple hours until his next appointment. "Why don't you go rest for a little bit?" I suggested as we walked to the pool house. Ryan would probably be tired after that and it could give him time to sleep off the lidocaine.

Ryan laid down on his bed and pulled the covers over him as he laid on his side.

"Get some sleep and maybe we can get something to eat before your appointment, when the lidocaine wears off." I suggested.

"Too nervous to eat." Ryan protested.

"You might change your mind." I replied as I rubbed his shoulder. "Don't worry. It'll be okay."

"Sandy." Ryan said. "Thanks for everything."

I smiled at Ryan as I stroked his hair back and he shut his eyes. I would do anything for Ryan. He is my son and if needed me, I would be there for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted in 2017 on FFN.


End file.
